Long ago, in a very far land filled with tortured, Taiyo Yuden-deprived souls, there lived a King named Texas. King Texas was a compassionate king, whose lone royal intention was to end the suffering of the poor, poor, pitiful subjects his father, King Archaic, had condemned to a life with no gadgets to help them in their daily routines. King Texas envisioned a day where all the people of the land would own several instruments to help them in their pursuit for true happiness. Sadly, King Texas was gobbled up by evil, corporate dragons way more powerful than he, rendering the subjects' huge, burdensome devices literally useless, and obsolete.
Fearful that their reign may eventually be threatened, the evil corporate dragons summoned a substandard wizard. To ensure control of the poor subjects for all time, the wizard made use of inferior spells to freeze the subjects' youngsters in grotesquely ironic, adorable poses, vowing that he would imprison them for a long time, should the subjects try to save them in any way. Decade after decade, the poor subjects were plagued, their children lost to oblivion one after the other while they tried in vain to recover them.
Throughout this time, the subjects heard stories that the popular kings Sony, and Phillips had discovered a new, masterful wizard that could break the spell of the less competent wizard. Under cover of darkness, they sent a liaison to the courts of the kindly kings to plead for their help, and protection. However the kings refused, stating that they shared the magical secret with one more king; one far more strong, yet far less greedy, and publicity hungry, who had made them swear that they would not tell. Propelled by his desire to save the subjects from the evil dragons, the liaison continued his journey, east, toward the land of the rising sun, looking for anyone who could help him find the third, all-knowing king, Taiyo Yuden.
The subject's trips were made tough since few knew of the mysterious king, much less of the legendary land wherein he lived. Therefore, the traveler looked for any Taiyo Yuden Review he could find. As it happened, he came upon another who informed him of a tale he had once heard about the elusive king, and his Taiyo Yuden CD-R, a great device that could alter the universe, if only he would prefer to share it freely. Even though as benevolent as kings Phillips, and Sony, this king chose to humble himself, ordering his wholesalers never to reveal that he, too, possessed the power.
The traveler told the subject of still more, marvelous spells wielded by the king's wizards, able to far more than preserving the tots from frozen oblivion. It is said, exclaimed the traveler, that the Taiyo Yuden DVD-R could animate them, too, transforming them into spinning, leaping ballerinas, the accompanying orchestra booming in the background with crystal clarity; choir boys, t-ball champs, and also gleeful party goers alike; it mattered not, all are awakened to life. Skeptical, yet encouraged, the subject pressed on, hoping against hope that, if he could not find the mysterious king, he may at least find a Taiyo Yuden Distributor where he might purchase a JVC Taiyo Yuden to save his beloved fellow villagers. Lamenting his pitiful condition, he remembered that the dragons had stripped him of his cell phone to stop him from enlisting the aid of the powerful, resourceful Amazonians, and Wal-Marters.